Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
