Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
