The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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