She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
