I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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