Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
