I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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