He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize