birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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