Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
