I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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