i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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