You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
