did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
