maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
