alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
