Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize