I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
