you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
