its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
