I want to make a zoo with you.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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