Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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