And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
