And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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