Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
