I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
