I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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