I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize