When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
