I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
