just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
