Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
