i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
