I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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