$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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