you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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