im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
