I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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