So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
