ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
