I wish I could punch you in the face.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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