I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
