guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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