i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
COCAINE IS GR8
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
