the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
