You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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