I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
