i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize