Your tits are I can't wait for
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
