whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
