I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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