apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
