And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My dick has a subreddit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
