she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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