Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
