when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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