She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
