I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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