Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
