guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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