It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
