I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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