It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Even my vagina gasped.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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