apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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