Already got asked if we're dating
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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