Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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