The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
